Sunday, October 30, 2011

Onion-ey Wisdom

So I found this article on The Onion a couple of days ago:,26451/

Although it's obviously a joke... I honestly think this would help cut down on smoking. Anti-smoking campaigns always show you these nasty pictures of a chain-smoker's rotten lungs, people on life support, etc. Those images are pretty disturbing.

However, they are also useless, because they're not relatable.

Smokers feel great when they smoke. The nicotine makes them feel good physically, and they feel like they look cool and are more sociable with a lit cigarette in hand. They're not thinking about long-term consequences.

I think that to effectively fight tobacco, you gotta hit smokers where they'll actually feel it: in the short term. Looking like Trish is a reality that can happen after a few years of chain-smoking, and more importantly, it attacks the smoking image directly. Trish is the anti-Joe Camel. Instead of "smoking is cool," she says (in a thick Southern rasp) "Smokin'll do this to ya, hun." And I think people will listen, because we all know a Trish.

Props to The Onion for realizing something that has eluded virtually everyone else for decades.

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

I'm baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack!

Hey everyone, I know it's been a while since my last post and I apologize. I've been taking a break from the internet in general to try and do better in school; turns out my ADD just found other positions to screw me in. Oh well, shit happens when ya party naked.

In related news, Rick Santorum's political fate has been sealed after the most recent episode of The Colbert Report. Check this out:

Yeah, you read that right. Quick backstory: Rick said some pretty mean stuff about gays back in 2003, and some comedian decided to come up with a new definition for "santorum" and challenged his fans to make it popular. Fast forward almost a decade---great success! And now that Stephen Colbert's weight has been thrown behind this colossal prank to end all pranks (naturally, he urged his viewers to click all of those links so they could leave comments about how wrong it all was), Senator Frothyanallube hasn't a snowball's chance in the innermost depths of hell at achieving his goal of becoming President.

In conclusion, I love Stephen Colbert with all my heart and most of my appendix, and he can do Canada's History with me anytime (as long as there's a tarp down to keep the santorum off the carpet).

Saturday, February 12, 2011

Formulaic Post

Hook; witty introduction

Tie-in to main topic; sarcastic analogy; stream-of-consciousness ranting

Link to related site

Wrap-up paragraph

Invitation to comment

Wednesday, February 9, 2011


I probably wouldn't ever get a tattoo, because I like my body how it is, but I was just thinking that if I ever did get one, it would probably be an angry red Jigglypuff with horns and a pitchfork (instead of the microphone) across my entire back, because why the hell not.

What tats do you guys have/want to get?

Monday, February 7, 2011

Turns Out, The Earth is Actually Flat... Who Knew?

I happened across something interesting on the web today. There exists a world-wide organization that refers to itself as---I am not making this up---the Flat Earth Society. Check it:

The esteemed ladies and gentlemen of this illustrious society hold that the Earth is actually a disk-shaped body with the North Pole at the center, and the Ice Wall (more commonly known as Antarctica) bordering the outside edge. This earth-disk is being constantly accelerated upwards by "dark energy" at a rate of 9.81 m/s^2, creating the illusion of gravity, while the sun and moon are spotlights that hang above the disk and move over it in a regular pattern.

But what about the moon landing, you say? Photographs from space? All fabrications, designed to keep the sheeple in line. There are even troops from various world powers patrolling the Ice Wall to make sure nobody gets close enough to find out the truth. Why, you ask? So government space programs can continue sucking in billions of dollars for things like "research" and "exploration."

If you are as outraged as I am by this now-obvious worldwide conspiracy, and would like to learn even more, their Facebook page ( has an extensive FAQ. Feel free to join up and post comments, as members of the Society absolutely love to intelligently discuss their beliefs.

Lastly, in case you ever need real-life support from a member of the society, here is a link to their roster:

Spread the word!

Saturday, February 5, 2011

Obligatory Super Bowl Post

Super Bowl Sunday is only a couple of days away, and I won't have done my solemn duty to the internet if my take on it isn't available for everyone to see by then.

As a lifelong Bears fan, I feel morally obligated to root against Green Bay (even though they are a damn good team this year and probably deserve to win, especially since they haven't been to the big game in a while and Ben Rapistberger already has a ring). Also, I have a huge man-crush on Troy Polamalu. Okay, maybe that's a bit of an exaggeration, but--wait--nope, it's not. Needless to say, I use Head & Shoulders shampoo and conditioner every single day.

Hair and prejudices aside, I am super excited for this game. It's an excellent matchup this year; each team has a high-profile quarterback, a highly talented and experienced receiving corps, a solid running game, and an absolutely vicious defense, not to mention some of the best coaching in the NFL. A fast-paced, dynamic, bloodthirsty game is all but guaranteed. And as much as I'll probably hope it never ends, I have to give the Steelers the edge.

While it's true that Aaron Rodgers has been the hottest QB in the league recently, he posted a decidedly anemic 55.4 passer rating in an ugly win in the NFC Championship Game. The Steelers' defense is at least as good as Chicago's and probably even better. It's as simple as that. The Pack will probably get away with some big plays--there's really no stopping them completely--but I think Pittsburgh's defense can hold them off long enough. To really seal the deal though, the Steelers will need to establish their running game early and pound away at the clock to keep that explosive Green Bay offense off the field, because given enough chances, they can and will run up the score against anyone... and if it comes down to a shootout, Pittsburgh may not be able to keep up.

Summary: Steelers need to control the clock and keep their defense well-rested to win, and I like their chances.

What are your thoughts? Comment it up folks!!

Thursday, February 3, 2011

Beard Beanies... Hell Yeah

So my roomie just told me about this site:

Apparently this was started by a family member of a friend of his. I have met this friend; she's a cool girl, pretty good at volleyball. Anyway, check them out: beanies with knitted beards attached to them!! I plan on purchasing one myself at some point, probably sooner rather than later actually, seeing as how it's been way below freezing here in Logan the last few days.

^^random picture from their website^^